The question I’ve been asked more than any other question is: How do I act like a pastor’s wife?

This is my answer: DON’T!!!

When someone acts, she plays a role or personifies someone else. You can’t play a role 24/7. Acts come to an end,

I mean, seriously, if I tried to put on the pastor’s wife act, I’d be in BIG trouble!

I can’t play the piano. Well, I take that back. I can play Wonderful Words of Life and Jesus Loves Me. Let’s just say the church music ministry would quickly sink into clanging discord if I had anything to do with it. 

I don’t drink coffee. I don’t care if it’s mocha-rich, cinnamon-flavored, brewed in your own state-of-the-art coffee pot – I, who will eat almost anything, can’t handle it.  Five cups of coffee in my entire life. Three at camp one summer, when my cabin of middle schoolers kept me up all night for several nights in a row. I needed something inside of me before I was found hanging off my bunk in pure exhaustion. Two at my neighbor’s house (after she rescued me and my two kids from abandonment when we locked ourselves out of the house.) She insisted I wanted coffee and nothing I did convinced her that I didn’t. After I had choked and gagged my way through one cup, she poured me a second.

I don’t do church kitchens. Well, I will if no one else is around. Or, I might clear off the tables after a potluck dinner or dry a few dishes – but that’s all!  Don’t put me in charge. I just can’t get myself worked up enough to care if there are 327 knives in the drawer instead of the 328 knives that were there at the start of the banquet or that the sink full of dishwater must include a 1/2 cup of soap,  plus 1 tablespoon disinfectant and three tablespoons bleach or whatever the combination is. I simply can’t get motivated to remember the magic combination.

But I am glad, oh, so glad that there are people with these gifts. (Well, I’m not sure coffee-drinking is a gift, but you get what I’m saying.)

The thing is, there are things I love doing that other people don’t like doing at all. (Give me a class of high school kids or 5th graders or six-year-olds or even middle schoolers and I’m content.)

The point is – I can’t be a piano-playing, coffee-drinking, kitchen-cleaning pastor’s wife because those things aren’t ME!

And I gotta be me.

And you have to be you.

Don’t spend time wandering what a pastor’s wife acts like.

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

(You’ll hear that verse from me a lot if you keep reading this blog.)

Think about it – you are God’s workmanship.  You aren’t someone else’s workmanship.

So be yourself.

That’s the way God made you.

And you’re the lady your husband married.

By the way, tea-drinking IS my gift 🙂

7 thoughts on “CLASS ACT”

  1. I like coffee, but I’m with you on the piano playing! I haven’t had a hard time trying to fit a “Pastor’s Wife Role” at our church because no one cares about that kind of thing here. But that kind of ambivalence makes it difficult to find volunteers to help with Sunday School. Leaders will simply not show up, so I have to fill in, making me miss my husband’s awesome sermons! Any suggestions on how to deal with people who volunteer but then don’t fulfill their commitment? Cindy

  2. I like coffee too, but I drink tea every morning! I do play the piano, but I “retired” when we came to our present church. It is not for public consumption! Actually, it really stresses me out to play in public (quivery stomach, shaking hands, etc.), and I got nothing out of church when I used to play (badly) occasionally in our previous ministry. So I resolved that I was done with that–and there are still people who don’t know I can play. (I’m really not good enough to accompany a congregation, so that’s a really good reason for my retirement, too!)

  3. I can really see now why I think that I am not qualified to be a pastor’s wife and it’s because I have been trying to “act” like one. Not at the church we are involved in at the moment because we are quite small and my husband is the music leader and youth leader, but when we were making a decision to possibly take a church in Greeley, IA (a town of 247 people) I panicked because I had no idea how I would be a pastor’s wife and how I would minister to the people. I guess I am needing to study again where my gifts are and go from there.

  4. Ok, I’m not a pastor’s wife, but I am the kid of a church staff member and the sister of a pastor’s wife. My husband and I are both in full-time ministry so there’s still lots of things I can glean from this blog. I’m looking forward to learning how to support my pastor-wife-sister, my church-staff-member-dad as well as my full-time ministry husband.

  5. Never had the craving for coffee or hot tea, but I’ll take an iced sweet tea anytime! 🙂

    I was just talking with another pastor’s wife in the area the other day about people’s expectations. There is a freedom in being yourself and being obedient to God. (your “audience of one”)

    Because the previous pastor’s wife was involved heavily in children’s ministry, I did have to make a rule that during this first year of ministry I wouldn’t be involved in children’s ministry during the service. I felt my main job was to support my husband … and I didn’t want to miss a thing! 🙂

    Oh and I’m with you, Allison, playing the piano makes me a nervous wreck! “Retirement” is nice. 🙂

  6. Cindy, good question – and a hard one.
    Allison, NOW everyone knows you play the piano!
    Mandie, starting out can be intimidating, but there are a lot of joys in the ministry.
    Tami, Hey, thanks for joining us!
    Kristy, Supporting your husband by being in all his services – especially this first year is a good idea.

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